last supper syndrome: it’s a widespread yet taboo topic in the WLS community.
but by gosh, i’ve got it.
what’s last supper syndrome? think of it as a pre-op bucket (of chicken?) list: all the foods you think you’ll never eat again, all in one last (flawed-thinking) attempt to “get it all in” before surgery.
when i met with the dietitian last thursday, she told me to begin to taper my calories in preparation for the two-week, pre-op liquid diet i’ll begin on wednesday.
i didn’t have the heart to tell her that i had already devised a (mental) list of all the places i wanted to go and the things i wanted to eat before my no-holds barred, liver-shrinking diet began.
- chinese? check.
- mexican? check.
- ice cream? check, check, check.
things i had no desire to eat. things i haven’t eaten in years. things i hadn’t ever eaten OR ever had a desire to eat. how crazy is that? (i actually had to stop myself from going to coldstone. have i ever gone there? no. but i felt i should go because i wouldn’t be able to go after surgery. THAT IS CRAZY TALK/THOUGHT.)
my mind is working overtime – and it’s all crazy talk. who seriously spends time thinking about how they can fit in an extra meal on monday? —–> um, apparently me!!
i know what you’re thinking, you don’t have to tell me. i’m thinking it myself.
“jessica, why in the world would you do this to yourself?” “this is a lifestyle change, you should be more prepared for this.” “perhaps your relationship with food is more volatile than you originally thought?”
the answers: i don’t know, i know, and of course it is.
truth is, i am prepared for this lifestyle change, but in the meantime, i can’t help but cling to the way my pre-band brain works.
- is it so wrong to do this to myself? (yes)
- will i do it anyways? (yes)
- will i start the diet as i should on wednesday? (yes)
- will i make the changes needed to be successful post-op? (yes)
well, now that THAT’s out of the way, it’s almost time for lunch.
cheddar bay biscuits? check.