ever. again.

after my stuck episode the other day, i took it easy. no problems.

this morning, i wake up congested. i take one bite of eggs. okay. two. stuck.

i threw up for three hours – including each and every liquid i attempted – before i called the surgeon. he was out of town but told me to head to the hospital and the doctor on call would see me.

except he didn’t. the ER docs said they couldn’t page him until they had diagnosed my problem. this was after the med student taking my history asked me to explain what stuck was. i knew what the problem was, i knew what the solution was – but yet i had to endure six hours in the ER puking up my own saliva in a blue cup every five minutes.

after the CAT scan (during which i puked on myself) revealed a blockage (DUH), they finally called the doctor on call — wait, what’s that? HE’S THE ONLY ONE IN THE PRACTICE WHO ISN’T A BARIATRIC SURGEON. really. such luck.

he couldn’t find my port so he had to call another doc in. after he arrived, two seconds and RELIEF. well, not really two seconds, because at that point, i was about 9.5 hours deep in my own vomit. disgusting.

i instantly felt better. INSTANTLY. my congestion went away. i didn’t vomit. relief.

my discharge paper was simple: “it appears you had a blockage to your lapband. please use caution.” NO SHHHHHHIT.

it’s ridiculous that they didn’t just have the bariatric surgeon meet me at the office. i mean, i know it’s a saturday and whatnot, but no one in the ER could help me. no one. they could have relieved me of my discomfort in two minutes (and without the $100 copay) but instead i had to endure six and a half hours waiting for someone to take some fill out of my band (which, by the way, has way more than 5.4 ccs — apparently, they put some in at surgery so i have somewhere close to 10 ccs).

so now my band is basically empty (as is my stomach), and i go back in a week to likely have some put back in.

i’m exhausted and will never, ever, EVER eat an egg for the rest of my life – at least, not in scrambled form.

goodbye eggs. it’s been a love-hate relationship all along, but i can now definitively say “shove off.” stay out of my life (and my esophagus).

i also will never wait to call the doctor again. i should have called the other day but it didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary – just a case of sloppy chewing. but it wasn’t. it was too tight. don’t ever hesitate to call your doc if you have any inkling that you might be too tight.

surprisingly, they didn’t tell me to do liquids, but i’m nursing some soup and calling it a day. hope your saturday was less eventful 🙂